


When There's Ice

by Sarasvati1920



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Awesome Foggy Nelson, Blind Character, Disabled Character, Foggy Nelson & Karen Page Friendship, Foggy Nelson Is a Good Bro, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Matt Murdock & Foggy Nelson Friendship, Matt Murdock Angst, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Matt Murdock asks for help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 23:30:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarasvati1920/pseuds/Sarasvati1920
Summary: One shot ramblings.....I wanted to explore what it would be like for Matt to ask for help.  He has so many incredible abilities but there are still things he can not do, he is still separated from the 'seeing' world.   Foggy and Karen are trying to understand Matt's world, but for that he would need to share;)Sometimes we don't acknowledge all of the small ways people in our lives help us, until they are goneI don't own these guys...I just like to take them out to play





	When There's Ice

Matt was anxious, he was tapping his finger on his desk. Tap… tap…tap… tap…the rhythm was soothing. He had promised Karen at Father Lanthom’s funeral that he would try, he would start trying to let them in, start trying to ask for help. He had meant that and now it was time to stand by his words.  
Foggy was showing Karen some information on a new anti-discrimination case. Matt could tell that they were both standing behind the table Karen now called her office. They had three rooms on the side of the Nelson Family Deli, they had done what they could with the space for now. It was actually starting to feel like home, or smell like it atleast.  
Foggy caught Matt out of the corner of his eye while he was trying to go over some photos with Karen. Matt was moving his fingers around, as if manipulating a tiny ball, Matt did this when he was anxious. Foggy wasn’t sure if Matt was aware that he did this but It was one of the only honest indicators of his feelings. Foggy wasn’t going to shed light on this but he also couldn’t ignore it.  
“Matt, what’s up?” Foggy said as he put down the photo  
“I need...I need to talk to you, to you both” He stammered.  
Foggy and Karen just glanced at each other.  
“Should we sit for this conversation Matt?” Foggy asked, concern starting to rise.  
“No, I just...it’s nothing bad. It’s just difficult for me to say this.. but I promised you, Karen, that I would try. This is me trying.” Matt smiled sheepishly.  
Karen realized this must be what Matt looks like when he’s asking for help, she smiled softly as she looked over at Foggy.  
“What?” Foggy mumbled  
“I know that I hurt you, both, with my secret..”  
“Matt,” Foggy interrupted  
“Foggy, just let me get through this…ok? …please”  
“Ok...ok” Foggy backed off  
“I know you’ve felt betrayed and hurt. I’m sorry, so sorry to you both.” Matt paused and took a breath. “And Foggy, I guess I never realized or acknowledged everything that you’ve done for me, ….until ….it wasn’t there any longer.”  
Foggy took a breath and sat on the edge of Karen’s ‘desk’  
Matt continued “I came to a realization this week. I’ve been feeling out of sorts. Things have been harder to navigate, work seems harder than it ever has.”  
“Matty, I..” Foggy started  
Matt kept talking…”I haven’t ever really felt ..d...d…different. I mean people treat me that way but I hadn’t felt it since I was a kid. I was out last night...”  
Foggy sighed loudly  
“walking” Matt said with emphasis.  
“just walking trying to understand. So many little things have started to become obstacles and I feel disconnected somehow” he stopped.  
His hands were on his hips, eyes pointed towards the ground.  
“Being blind has started to feel like more like disability.” He let out a breath.  
Foggy and Karen didn’t say anything. Foggy had never heard Matt use the word. Other people applied it to him but he never owned it, it was never how he saw himself.  
Foggy’s heart suddenly felt like it no longer fit in his chest.  
“and it’s because of you Foggy” Matt said quietly.  
And there was suddenly a word for Foggy’s current feelings…guilt  
“Matt” Foggy whispered  
“No, I mean it’s because of me, really, but the reason I made it through college, through all of our jobs, the reason I haven’t ever truly felt disabled is because of you Foggy. And I know why you pulled back, because you figured I didn’t need you anymore. And that makes sense...I just” Matt was fully rambling now like he needed to get the words out quickly before they disappeared.  
“ I …c…could still use some help” he said, as it this was some dark secret.  
“Matt” Karen walked towards him and squeezed his arm. “Thank you for coming to us. Can you tell us specifically what would help?”  
“Well the winter is coming up again” Matt started  
Foggy knew exactly where this was going and the knot in his chest grew tighter.  
“ice is difficult for me , that was never an act. The frozen ground versus the areas where there is actual ice is hard to distinguish. I could use a hand in the winter… If I’m constantly concentrating on the ground it’s hard to let other things in.” Matt seemed to be getting more comfortable with this conversation. Karen’s hand on his arm had settled him somehow.  
“Matt, do you want us to guide you more often?”, Karen asked.  
“Yes, and describe things to me, the way you used to” he smiled at her.  
They had both stopped doing this.  
“I really enjoyed your descriptions, it made me feel like part of it”  
“Part of what Matt?” Karen asked.  
“Everything...not being able to see faces, expressions, smiles. I always feel a little separate… but you two brought me into the ‘normal’ world.” Matt made air quotes with normal.  
Karen laughed, “ safe to say there’s nothing ‘normal’ about you Matt”  
“But Matt, I am so sorry, I guess I hadn’t really realized. I was so stunned by everything you could do I never really thought about what you couldn’t, what you can’t do” Karen explained.  
“You have nothing to apologize for Karen, I never really explained.”  
“What else Matt?” Karen asked  
“Well, My wallet. Foggy, you always folded my money for me, checked the labels on my clothes, there’s a new market on my block…and”  
“I always do walk throughs in new places with you” Foggy said quietly  
“Ya, you do. There’s so much you’ve always done Foggy and ….I don’t think I ever really thanked you.”  
“Matt..you” Foggy tried to tell him to stop  
“Thank you Foggy” Matt was looking at him and Foggy looked up, Matt didn’t have his glasses on, his eyes focused just past Foggy’s ear. So much had changed, he thought.  
“you’re welcome Matty” Foggy said, looking at his friend’s face.  
“Wait” Karen questioned. “So you can’t tell where things are in the store?...don’t you have like, super smell?”  
“I can tell where most things are but some things are so similar. I can tell where the onions are, but not yellow from white. I can tell you milk but fat percentages get tough when its not whole milk…things like that, grains are tricky also”  
“oh” Karen said  
“It doesn’t need to go back to exactly how things were, I wouldn’t expect that of you…but maybe”  
“I think we understand Matt,” Karen stated. She wrapped her arms around him and he acquiesced to a reluctant hug. He was getting better at this.  
“thank you, I’m proud of you” she whispered in his ear.  
He couldn’t stop the giant Matt Murdock smile that was plastered on his face. This had felt so heavy, like such a burden and suddenly it was gone. He had shared his feelings with his friends, he had asked for help, and they were still here.  
“alright, lets go crush some bad guys” Foggy said as he stood up from the table.  
Matt had expected a little more of a reaction from Foggy, but he was happy it was over and he could just get back to work.  
\-----------------------------------  
Several hours later it was just Karen and Foggy. Matt had left to de-stress at the gym. Karen had offered to walk with him but he graciously declined and thanked her.  
She was somewhat relieved. She had wanted to chat with Foggy, alone. There was something about his reaction to Matt’s honesty that was off. He had been so quiet, when usually, especially when it came to Matt, he had strong opinions. She was just about to asked Foggy about it when he suddenly got up.  
“I’m calling it a night Karen” and he was out the door before she could protest.  
“Yup, something was definitely off  
An hour later, she found him at Josie’s. He’s managed a little damage in that hour, she could tell from his goofy grin when he spotted her.  
“Karen!”  
“Hey, there counselor, I thought I might find you here”  
“oh ya, great minds think alike…although you don’t want to be like me Karen…don’t be like me..  
I’m a shit friend”  
And there it was, the reason Foggy had been quiet and reserved. He felt guilty.  
Karen sat down on the stool beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.. “Foggy”  
“Don’t tell me I’m not Karen. I basically ditched my blind best friend, why…why? Because I was pissed, because I was angry”  
“Because you were hurt Foggy and Matt doesn’t really make it easy. You are an amazing friend… And I backed off too… it wasn’t just you” Karen stated.  
“Ya, but you thought he didn’t need the help, right?” Foggy looked at her, his eyes red. He always did wear his heart on his sleeve, or on his face, she thought  
“Well, yes but…”  
“I knew better Karen. Last winter...I knew. He took taxi’s to work everyday, I knew the ice freaked him out but I was just mad and I figured ‘serves him right’ “ Foggy took the last shot from the bottle. “No matter what he’s done Karen, he doesn’t deserve that”  
Karen didn’t know what to say, It was true.  
After a minute of silence she said “ you spent so many years helping Matt make up for what he couldn’t do and then that shifted. Matt can do so much that other people can’t. But maybe we both need to shift our perspectives back a little. I was struck when he mentioned feeling disconnected from the world and how vital just seeing each other is for human connection. I had pulled back on Matt a lot. A big part of that was I stopped touching him, squeezing his hand, guiding his arm, touching his shoulder. But that’s all he has. So I’m feeling pretty shitty too Foggy.”  
Foggy nudged a fresh bottle of tequila towards her as Josie set down a glass.  
“That’s why you hugged him?”  
“Ya, it felt right. He needs that, although I don’t think that is something he will admit”  
“I don’t know, I never would of thought the conversation from this morning would of happened. He’s changed.” Foggy was staring at his hands.  
“ I think we all have.” Karen stood, downed her shot, and kissed Foggy on the cheek. “I think you have a friend to go see Mr. Nelson.”  
“ugh, I think you’re right Miss Page”  
\----------

Foggy heard music as he walked up the stairs. He recognized it immediately.  
Matt told him that one of the nuns, Sister Maggie now that he thinks of it, had given him tapes and a walkman. When the world seemed like too much he would hideout and listen to the classical music. Matt had said that he could almost see colors when he listened. As Foggy walked up the last few steps he thought about how much more complicated those memories must be for Matt now, knowing who sister Maggie is. Knowing that she watched him struggle all of those years. Suddenly Foggy felt even worse. God, he had failed Matt. Everyone had.  
Foggy knocked then tried the handle…unlocked…he stepped in.  
“Leaving the door unlocked these days Matty?! I hear there are some crazy vigilantes around these parts.”  
Matt was sitting on the couch with his head back and a half drunk beer in his hand, he still had his gym clothes on  
“ya, I’ll take my chances”  
“Mind if I” and he gestured towards the beer  
“Help yourself, you probably bought them.”

Foggy settled with his beer on the chair next to Matt.  
“what’s up Foggy?” Matt sat up and reached for the remote for the stereo. Foggy noted that Matt had put tiny stickers on a few of the buttons, as the remote had been smooth and likely difficult to distinguish.  
I should of helped him with that, Foggy thought.  
Foggy let out a sigh, “Matt I’ve been an ass.”  
“Ha!” Matt laughed as he sat back  
“Matt I know you thought that I stopped helping you because I figured you could handle it, and that’s true for somethings… but not for others. Honestly, I was just angry and I …I didn’t help you even when I knew you were struggling. Like last winter, I always knew the ice and snow were hard for you.” Foggy leaned forward.  
“Matt …I’m sorry.”  
“Foggy, you don’t owe me anything. None of this is your fault, none of this,” he pointed to his eyes, “is your responsibility.”  
Matt continued, “I only told you guys all of this this morning because Karen asked me to be honest and to ask for help. But your help is not owed to me.”  
“Matt” Foggy whispered. He thought of what Karen had said and he reached out and squeezed Matt’s wrist. “You are my best friend, I’m here to help you when you are struggling just like you would do for me.” Foggy paused and inhaled quietly. “You were not given a fair break in life Matt…in many ways…and I’m sorry I’ve let you down.” He squeezed Matt’s wrist again before he let go and sat back.  
Matt let out a quiet sob, almost like a hiccup. “Thank you Foggy, but you have never let me down.” Matt took a few quiet breathes trying to release some anxiety. Foggy rubbed at his eyes.  
“You seem tired Fog,” Matt stood up. “I’m going to take a shower and head to bed. I’ll grab you a blanket and pillow.”  
“Ok Matt, but before you do…  
Hand me your wallet.”


End file.
